I’m very well aware that I’m doing a lousy job at updating this blog of mine. I usually turn to written posts on my Instagram Stories for all my thought vomit because it disappears after 24 hours. Something about that feels very comforting.
However, as I’m sitting at my office desk, only slightly mentally drained from editing 8 classes worth of student mugshots in lightning speed, I decided to take a short break and document what have been such a whirlwind of a month.
I remember this time last year, I was in probably the worst point of my life. I hated the company I was working for with a passion. I wanted so badly to escape and do something else but due to shitty company policies, I couldn’t just quit and move on with my life. Since then, I dubbed 2017 as the worst year. Period.
When I could finally quit the company, I started 2018 with so much more hope. This year is supposedly my turning point, I guess. It’s my Chinese zodiac year (though that doesn’t mean anything to me, just feels special for some reason), I became more determined to work harder and told myself whatever new job I have this year, I will commit to it with a better work attitude. I wanted this year to be a complete 360 of the train wreck that was 2017.
We all embrace adulthood in many different ways. When I was 21, I was no where near the maturity level that matched my age. I would say that I age very slowly, and it has been that way since forever. Even now, I have countless people mistaking me as 2-3 years younger than I really am. At times, it can be frustrating. When I see my peers settled down, have a stable income, married, some even have kids! While I’m still confused about what exactly is CPF, it almost feels like I’ve failed as an adult. For 3 years.
But when I opened my eyes wider, I see that I’m definitely not alone, and adulthood is honestly nonsense. There are people who are almost 30 who have not figured life out! There shouldn’t be any pressure to get your life together in your early twenties when you still have decades ahead of you.
So here I am now, age 24 (almost), finally feeling like I’m getting somewhere in my life. I’ve gotten a job at a much better company, which already made this entire year miles better than the last. I created two savings accounts (yes, one is not enough) and I finally made the decision to pursue a part-time degree next year.
I’ve been going on and off about taking a degree. All my friends are either pursuing or have just graduated with their degree and I felt really left out if I’m being honest. At one point I even convinced myself I don’t need it because I want to just end up being a housewife one day.
But deep inside I know I have far too much potential to just settle as a housewife. Not that being a housewife is bad, in fact I think it is the most underrated and underappreciated title. Being a housewife takes putting all your time and energy on your home and kids while not being paid for your effort! Do you realize how strong and selfless a housewife must be to do that?
Despite how highly I respect housewives, I soon realize that’s not the way to go for me, especially living in Singapore, where every average young couple have to work in order to have a comfortable life. I also feel like my generation is ‘the degree generation’ and I need to reach a higher education level instead of just settling with my diploma. Perhaps, waiting around for all those years actually benefit me because I had to time to really assess and decide on the right career path instead of jumping into a degree course that I will regret later on.
I was extremely indecisive when it came to taking a degree. There were so many choices, and I have a bit of interest in a lot of different fields. I thought of pursuing in Art Education, but honestly after working in a school environment for more than a year, Gen Z students are just not something I want to deal with every day.
I looked into a crap ton of other courses ranging from Fashion to even Psychology (gasp) but I couldn’t really see myself fit in anything, until I visited the headquarters of my company and watched the programmers do their work.
It makes sense. I have a background in graphic design but I lost the passion in creating. However there’s another side to graphic design. The programming. Y’know that feeling when something clicks and everything starts making sense? I had that moment all while watching a young lady sleepily pull up a window of codes on her desktop.
Unfortunately, I made this decision far too late and I have to apply for the next part-time degree intake, which will be in 2019. Right now, I’m just waiting for the rest of the year to pass by, and live in the moment without worrying too much about what I want to do in life. Things will only go up from here, and that period of being clueless and feeling like a failure last year is now completely irrelevant.
So here’s to everyone trying to figure their shit out, the ones who have already figured their shit out, and the ones who really don’t want to think about it right now.
Loathe Child 